Dear President Trump,
Congratulations
on your victory in the 2024 election. I
understand that as part of your victory, you wish to overhaul education in the
United States. As a career educator I
would like to submit some policy proposals that I think will improve public
education in the United States.
Before I
begin, I understand that you and your political party are very much dedicated
to privatizing education. I know that
you will be promoting policies that support private school vouchers and charter
schools. Mainly this is because these
institutions are able to expel students at will. Therefore because of this, there will still
be a need to have public schools for students who either do not choose to
attend private school or are expelled from private schools. Because much of the funding will be taken up
by voucher programs public schools are going to need to find new ways of
funding. I believe the remaining public
schools must be run very much like a business.
For this I have compiled a list of ideas which I believe will improve
the public school system in America during your second term.
1.
High School Sports: must be kept as a necessary
function of the school. But like in
professional sports, I believe that these should now be open to gambling. As a former casino owner, I know that you
appreciate the business of gambling. As
there is really no integrity in professional and collegiate sports anymore,
high school sports should be the same. Students
will have the opportunity to bet on or against their own high school teams with
the aid of new gaming apps such as Caesars Jr or Student Fan Duel. The students will become much more engaged in
their own school teams and it will provide a great source of revenue for the
schools.
2.
Student Fighting: Student fighting is a problem in many
schools. Students are often in fights
and students get hurt. However, to
completely stop student fighting is not something schools can do. Therefore I believe that we should encourage
controlled student fighting. With the
aid of some of your biggest political allies, such as Dana White and incoming
Education Secretary Linda McMahon, we can encourage student fighting after
school in controlled environments. If students have conflicts with one another,
the school will schedule fighting environments for students after school “in
the Octagon”. There a physical education
teacher will serve as a referee, as students fights will be subject to standard
Ultimate Fighting rules. Tickets for
these events can be sold, and like other high school sports will allow for
student gambling.
3.
Children’s Obesity: There is no doubt that many children today
are obese, creating a public health crisis.
Therefore in order to combat this problem, schools will reach into the
past to find ways that people stayed thin in previous generations. One great solution which will help students
lose weight as well as provide a fundraising opportunity for the schools will
be for tobacco products to be sold as the school store. In particular, I recommend chewing tobacco
products which have recently been marketed by political allies such as Tucker
Carlson. It is known that tobacco is an
appetite suppressant, and this will help in student weight loss. If students choose to use tobacco in the more
traditional form of smoking, designated smoking areas will be set up around the
school. As these schools are still
public institutions, the tobacco products can be sold without any taxes, and
all profits can go directly to the school’s budget.
4.
Work Study Programs: It is necessary to have students prepared for
the work environment of the 21st Century. In addition to this, with the amount of
deportations that you are planning along with increasing foreign tariffs, this
creates a unique opportunity to teach students about working skills. One of the industries that will be affected
the greatest by tariffs will be the textile and apparel industries. Therefore starting in 3rd grade,
all students will begin work study programs.
Sewing and textile production will be one of the majors. Schools can contract with major apparel
designers and start working in textile production. Students can earn credits in appareal design
and production for this work. This
amount of work contracts with schools will help schools develop strong
budgetary surpluses.
5.
Child Care Programs: Many teachers in recent years have complained
that they have felt that schools have been nothing but day care programs. Why not turn high schools into actual day
care programs. Parents are constantly
complaining about the cost of private daycare programs for their little
children. High school students can earn
service credits for providing actual day care programs for little
children. These daycare services will be
provided to parents at a reduced cost, due to the high school students only
receiving credit and not financial compensation.
6.
Technology in the classroom: Technology is all around us today. Therefore students must be able to receive
the highest quality technology. In order
to do this, I also recommend renting out space in high schools to technology
companies such as Apple and Google. They
can then sell their latest products directly to students in schools. Students will have access to the latest
technology, and then staff members from Apple and Google can offer free classes
for students.
7.
Filming Locations: Schools present an interesting opportunity
for today’s filming locations. Although
this idea was presented once on an episode of “Family Guy” I believe that it
can be used in today’s high schools.
Teacher student as well as workplace pornography is a very popular form
of pornography, and there is no reason why student classrooms and administration
offices cannot be used to film pornographic content. Classrooms
and offices can be rented during evening hours, again raising money for school
budgets.
8.
Video Games and the Military: Children these days are very technologically
savvy, and we need to find ways to encourage this. Therefore, we should outsource predator drone
technology to students. We can find ways
to integrating drone attacks against our various allies into video games that
we allow students to play as part of a class.
Students will be given military missions in different video games, which
will be actual military missions.
Students will be unaware that what they are doing is real, so therefore
they will feel little pressure. As these
games might be very advanced, this will be a program dedicated for high IQ
students. This will cut money from the
defense budget as well as teaching students how to eliminate high value
targets.
9.
More Work Study:
After all of this new technology training that students will get, they
will be well equipped to handle basic call center work. United States companies have been outsourcing
this work to other nations for far too long.
It is time that we bring these types of jobs back, and again to
incentivize companies, students will only earn credit for these assignments
with no financial compensation.
10. Fantasy
Camps: It is expected that high school students
will have summers off. We’re not
monsters here. However, summer breaks
present an interesting opportunity. We
live very much in a nostalgia age, with adults always pining for times gone
by. Therefore schools in summer can be
turned into adult fantasy camps, specifically adult high school. Adults will pay a pretty penny in order to be
transported back to high school environments, where they can act out all their
high school fantasies. Illicit drugs
will be sold to adults in these fantasy camps as many adults wish to revisit
their youth. Again, all of this is a way
for our public schools to make a great profit.
So those are some of my suggestions for your next
administration. As Calvin Coolidge
famously said “The Business of America is Business”. There is no reason that private equity funds shouldn’t
be able to access America’s public schools and institute some of these free
market reforms. Public schools offer us
an amazing market opportunity, but it will take a brilliant and forward
thinking president like yourself to take full advantage of this
opportunity.
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